Restaurant Exploration Pillows

"While you've been making your mind up, the Early Bird special when up three bucks."

"The portions here are so small, thank goodness there's a food bank around the corner."

"Everything is special and it's all on the menu."

'Table cloth is filthy.' 'We've been open since 1976.'

'Who orderes the roasted chicken plate and who ordered the soup?'

"Our Fettuccine is eaten with spoon and fork. Angle Hair gets a comb and scissors."

"I never saw such overweight mice before."

'I think I'll go home and eat'

'...and was your 5th mouthful to monsieur's satisfaction?'

'Beefsteak tomatoes and mincemeat pie.'

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

"Have you met Pearl and Dean?"

"How would you like your steak sir—really well done or raw? We've got a new chef."

'Does this restaurant allow substitutions?'

"Is a 'Five Turds' rating a good thing or a bad thing?"

"I come here for the pepper."

"The grilled snapper also comes with a bonus audio commentary from the chef."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Gramma's Tators & Gravy...All You Can Eat!

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

Advanced footsie

Pasta

Grand Escargot at a Parisian Eatery.

'How is the water prepared?'

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

'In case of fire, don't panic, pay your bill then run like hell.'

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'