Restaurant Adventurers Gifts

My name's Troy, and I'll be your serve tonight. My name's Fred and I'll be talking way too loudly about my colon. I'm still learning my name, and I'll be screaming for no good reason.

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

Garlic Free Zone.

Grand Escargot at a Parisian Eatery.

"Your mother texted us that you're not getting enough to eat, so I brought you twice what you ordered."

"For the first half hour, I was, like, really there. Enchanted. But I found the wild-quail confit so disappointing that not even the fig reduction on the poached pear could get me back."

Seafood: "Of course our food is fresh."

'Would you folks like sparkling water or tap water?'

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

'How was the squid?'

"It's an extra $2.00 if you want a candle with a wick."

Who had the cod, and who had the flying fish?

'Okay, so it's not a violin, but he is playing our song.'

"A table in Siberia, please."

"It's a combination of pizza and sushi and taco and egg roll and...it's just something everyone loves."

Picasso

"Ignore the screams, sir. I'll get a new fork."

"You were right-we should have just split one."

Today: Tomato Surprise. Of course the tomato surprise doesn't impress you, sir … You’re not a tomato.

'Your bill sir.'

"I'm not all you can eat? But I brought my special plate!"

"The woman who ordered the poulet chasseur would like to come in and rap about it."

The Stages of Coffee Addiction

Roadkill Restaurant

"Is this the wine you selected at random?"

"Hmmm, I'm not sure – I’ll ask our chef when he sobers up."

Waiter to diner: 'I'm going to return you to the main menu.'

"You didn't say 'excellent choice' when I ordered! What did I do wrong?"

'Yes, I'd like the chef pan-fried, marinated in his disgusting sauce and charcoal grilled.'

"We call this Casual/Retro dining. You get up and make your own PB&J back in the kitchen."

Arabian Cuisine

"... And how are you enjoying the cheapest bottle of wine on the menu?"

"Let me give you the Heimlich. That always gets the waiters attention."