Resort Regular Gifts

'Can I get a Chardonnay over dry ice? I hate it when my wine gets wet.'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

Invasion Of The Summer Aliens

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

Club Antisocial

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

"Rump roast?"

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

"Waiter, there's a weapon of mass destruction in my soup!"

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"And then, when I feel like a rum punch and breaded shrimp, I can just swim to Tony’s Trattoria."

"I'll have the barbecued half-pounder, with all the ramifications."

"We have; pulled pork, enticed chicken, persuaded lamb, bullied beef, cajoled Turkey..."

"We're here to experience pleasure."

I wish I'd had the review.

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

'Men order. . . women shop.'

"Hey, welcome to the Catskills. Anyone here from New Jersey?"

Lounging by the pool

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

"And would you like flies with that?"

'The beef has been genetically modified to make it taste like a more expensive cut.'

"I'm sorry- I can barely hear you with this goddam ocean behind me."

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

Prawn Cocktail Please

Don't go out in the rain without an umbrella....was probably not 'his idea' of a tip, dear!'

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'