Resolution Wrangler Gifts

Okay, now we've got a quorum!

High Riders of the Old West

This is a great game --- All except for that blimp. It keeps reminding me I've already broken my diet resolution. Pizza. Chips.

"I've outgrown my backpack."

"Excuse me, but I believe you are in my seat."

"I'm afraid he left everything to charity... Oh, I see. I take it your name's Charity?"

'Hold on there Jethro! You know I don't tolerate that kind of horseplay in this joint.'

"My New Year's resolution is to lose thirty-eight thousand pounds."

'No, go ahead and critique my mss. I'm always ok ... after the initial reaction.'

'Did you want me, boss?'

'Any stunt driving experience other than teaching three teen-agers to drive?'

Boss: '...Let's not forget who our customers are!' (It turns out they just have one left).

Why do I need a nap when it's only 8.15 am?

"What's the problem Cowboy? Never heard of Cattle Driving before?"

"I need to take a call. Argue amongst yourselves."

"That reminds me, we must sort out your will."

"It's broken I'm afraid." "Will I be able to work?" "Depends. What do you do?" "Oh, I'm just a cowpoke for Circle 'Y' Ranch."

"No one is making you do anything you don't want. I'm just saying we're all headed for Dodge City and we think you should come along."

'Where do you see yourself not getting tenure in seven years?'

"Being a post-doc for thirty years can really screw up your life."

'Do you have this in a smaller size?' - 'Is she nuts! She's way too big for that size. She'll destroy it if she tries it on...but if I don't answer her soon she'll destroy me...'

"Wait a minute, that's my bar code" Product Identity Theft

Machine, be good to me this year. Or else, I'm sticking you under the bed again.

"Planning a few changed for the new year?"

Maybe next hunting season Phil will succeed in bagging, not just boxing, a moose.

Sales Clerk tricks woman into an instant merchandise exchange.

The Beauty of Physics

"Here, I'll call the credit department for you...you might wanna push 'seven' on here."

'To show I'm serious about giving up smoking for new year, I'm going to sign this pledge.'

"Looks like we'll be walking today. The horses are staging a sit in."

New Year Diet

'Remember the old days, Jake, when it was just a cattle drive? Now cattle gotta 'jog' to the stockyard.'

"It's just a phase."

'This is the third year in a row I'm being audited. Might this have something to do with the fact that I'm your ex-husband?'

'I don't hate Mondays -- I FEAR Mondays!'