Reptile Buff Gifts

'He's supposed to be the world's oldest turtle!'

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

TSA Noah

"Walking erect is very trendy now."

"Me? How about you go closer and read the plaque!"

"Believe me it's only an apple."

Get on with it!

Early accounting scandals.

"Frank, I want you to try antidepressants."

Protoplasm

'Not only will you know everything but I'll see that you get your own talk show.'

"Build it 300 cubits long? I thought you said centimetres!"

"But Mom, how can it be a vacation when you're taking me to school?"

"Would you mind adjusting the vibrate on your phone? There's a seismologist on TV claiming there's been an earthquake in our neighborhood."

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

Adam and Eve, as old people.

'Don't you think they'd be better off in the water?'

Jesus plays peek-a-boo with doubting Thomas.

'Moses looks back - 'The commandments, the Red Sea, the books of the bible, but I never had a hit song.'

"Can you hurry up with that will? I don't have all day."

'It's the cows. They can't get past a cattle guard.'

Moses as a mobster.

Hysterically laughing monster.

'I think we're going to need an ANNOTATED edition.'

"It doesn't say, son, who they pawned the kittens off on after the flood."

Horseshoes...Samson-style

'What about three-day Sabbaths?'

'...and then the bad woman gave the snake the apple, and that's when our problems began.'

"It's Eden. You don't have to keep checking for ticks."

"But, Mom, how can it be a vacation when you're taking me to school?"

Arresting Adam and Eve

"Just great. These humans bring us back from extinction just in time for another global climate catastrophe."

At first, Moses was worried about the manna from heaven.