Reptile Gifts

It's a sweet thought, but it would still never work out between us.

'So is that supposed to be a joke or something?'

"If I had hands I'd laugh and point back."

"I decided to go all out on the house decorations this year."

Football Chameleon

Annie, the Reptile version: 'The sun will come out tomorrow! Tomorrow! You will sun yourself tomorrow!'

"You're right—there's no such thing as personal space in a hibernaculum."

'Play it again, Sam.'

The Age of Reptiles. . .

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

'I haven't been able to come to grips with it. My hands are too small.'

Burmese pythons discussing a complete invasion.

"He is throwing another of his 'hissy fits' again!"

'Iguana know what time it is.'

Giant reptiles use building as a pinata.

The deadly sport of cobra staring contests.

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'Oh don't worry, we had him defanged.'

"I'm not a doctor, but I don't think the problem is with your bladder, Bob."

My wife's been talking to the skin I shed for over an hour.

Reptile Class: 'My homework ate my dog.'

'He's normally not affectionate, but he's really taken a liking to you!'

Crocodile

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

The Monitor is going to sleep.

The Stripper

"I'm so glad we don't need a selfie stick."

'Mom, there's good news and bad news. The good news is the cat won't be scratching up the furniture anymore. The bad news is... well, um...'

"Okay! Okay! It's a draw!"

Snake Eyes

'Ms. Moffit, please inform the staff that I have morphed and send in that plump young marketing trainee.'

'And I thought I had a big egg to lay.'

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

Danth battle?

Ed totally blows the final portion of his Chameleon Aptitude test.