Reproduction Gifts

"Don't knock over the frozen embryos."

"Are we there yet?"

'He's the father of the entire first row.'

"And what qualifications do you bring to the table beyond being first in line?"

"Really. I'll just come in for a minute."

"I'm just hoping to make it to the Final Four."

"You looked a lot bigger on your dating profile."

Look — if you had one shot or one opportunity to seize everything you ever wanted. One moment — Would you capture it or just let it slip?

"He's crashed. . . What a loser!"

Fertility Clinic, "Fancy some casual sextuplets?"

Scientific reaction to the news of declining sperm counts was mixed.

'In vitro fertilization is an option for women who don't want to put all their eggs in one basket.'

"Well then, can I at least call you sometime?"

"When everyone's day... no one is."

Young Frank Lloyd Wright

"Bond James, Bond."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Showbiz Awards

'I know you're really proud, dear. But, don't you think people might think you're bragging?'

Cat woman shopping for cats.

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

The cell phone soother for life.

"And, when the DNA test results arrived, the woman realized her so-called 'little terrier mix' had been part German shepherd all along."

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

"I have your gender reveal results. Boy, girl, boy, boy, girl, girl, boy, girl, boy, boy..."

'Will you pipe down? I'm in a business meeting.'

"Same old same old. How about you?"

Working in the Hazard Zone!

'Okay, folks, that's a wrap!'

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.