Reportage Wizard Gifts

Conflicting Reports

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

"Baxter...about this report...your punctuation, spelling and grammar are perfect. No one can understand it!"

'Not bad, Ms. Newborn. But take another crack at it, and this time remember that 'earnings-per-share' is the alter upon which all other numbers are sacrificed.'

"For details on the bear market, here's a bear..."

'Herb will provide one of his concise interpretations of the quarterly sales charts.'

Anderson Cooper as a Kid. Today, an expose that asks the question: Who IS Simon, and why must we do what he says?

'I didn't write the book report. I downloaded and printed it directly from the Internet, but I did collate and staple it myself.'

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

"Here are today's leading factoids, and I'm Skip Shumaker, spoon-feeding them to you!"

Change Management: Change can be ruf.

The Expert

'I suppose that's where things get ironed out.'

'You've been killing files again.'

'In a sentence or two, Gibbs.'

'Get me some shares in public opinion.'

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

'And it's not just me...Ms. Anthrope doesn't seem to like anyone.'

"Skepticism, Jones? Tell me, how does that relate to journalism?"

'For P.R. purposes, let's use the phrase, 'uncanny luck' rather than 'dumb luck'.'

"No word from the company – but, it's clear that this is a major spill."

"Recent research has yielded some frightening results...It turns out we are a business team held forever on a presentation chart, locked away in a supply closet."

'It's getting harder to tell when the news stops and the spin begins.'

A Journalist's Weapons

'I can't wait for Power Point.'

"No, it hasn't anything to do with my presentation. But wait until you see how I hold everyone's attention with it sitting next to me at the podium."

'He's a media consultant. He came with the multimedia software package.'

If Watergate Happened Now the Press Would Be Too Busy Reporting on Tweets

"I'll need some distracting hilarity on the borders of my quarterly report."

"Why don't we call you 'Deeper Throat'?"

The Barrel of a Gun: the Press and the Truth

"So how much money do you make?"

'This is gobbledygook. I asked for mumbo-jumbo.'