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Conflicting Reports

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

"Baxter...about this report...your punctuation, spelling and grammar are perfect. No one can understand it!"

'Not bad, Ms. Newborn. But take another crack at it, and this time remember that 'earnings-per-share' is the alter upon which all other numbers are sacrificed.'

"For details on the bear market, here's a bear..."

'Herb will provide one of his concise interpretations of the quarterly sales charts.'

'I didn't write the book report. I downloaded and printed it directly from the Internet, but I did collate and staple it myself.'

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

Change Management: Change can be ruf.

"Here are today's leading factoids, and I'm Skip Shumaker, spoon-feeding them to you!"

'I suppose that's where things get ironed out.'

'You've been killing files again.'

'In a sentence or two, Gibbs.'

'Get me some shares in public opinion.'

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

'And it's not just me...Ms. Anthrope doesn't seem to like anyone.'

The Barrel of a Gun: the Press and the Truth

"Recent research has yielded some frightening results...It turns out we are a business team held forever on a presentation chart, locked away in a supply closet."

'He's a media consultant. He came with the multimedia software package.'

"Why don't we call you 'Deeper Throat'?"

'It's getting harder to tell when the news stops and the spin begins.'

"No, it hasn't anything to do with my presentation. But wait until you see how I hold everyone's attention with it sitting next to me at the podium."

"Skepticism, Jones? Tell me, how does that relate to journalism?"

'For P.R. purposes, let's use the phrase, 'uncanny luck' rather than 'dumb luck'.'

"No word from the company – but, it's clear that this is a major spill."

"I'll need some distracting hilarity on the borders of my quarterly report."

A Journalist's Weapons

'This is gobbledygook. I asked for mumbo-jumbo.'

'First the good news.'