Report Writer Gifts

'This is gobbledygook. I asked for mumbo-jumbo.'

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

'Your report is organized, concise and error free...have you been monotasking again?'

'Take this report and reduce it to an acronym.'

'Take this report and put it into the form of a bumper sticker.'

'Before I read the investment committee's report - I would remind everyone that I never asked to be on this damn committee.'

"Is it ready to launch or does it still need more second guessing?"

"Use impersonal language, or they'll ask us to take responsibility!"

"Deidre's right. 'Challenging current dynamics' sounds better than SNAFU."

"Tighten the bolts and slap some more boilerplate on this report, Mike. It's got candor leaking out in a dozen places!"

'It says here that machine learning finds fake news with 88% accuracy. I think from now on I really need to edit my reports before I turn them in.'

'I'll give you this, Hargrove - Your report was a perfect blend of cliches, banalities and platitudes.'

'How long have you had that toupee?'

'Get the person with the best imagination to write our Earnings Report.'

'Right so we're agreed then, no one ever reads these reports so there's no point writing them anymore...and while we're at it we can stop filling out these forms, they're a waste of time.'

Good report, Morton, work on it a little more until it sounds like one of mine.

We noted a touch of irony in your last report. We don't do irony in this company.

"Great report... now put some typographical errors in and send it to the minister."

"I've read a lot of reports...but this puts me right there in the plant."

"Do you think you can just put a few scratches on a paper and call it a report?"

"...there's not a single shareholder...who will be able to understand any part of it!"

"Let's conclude the report with: 'cautiously pessimistic'."

"My French is OK but you should really see my Reportese..."

"We had to cut down the forest to make more climate change reports!"

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

Squeezing the Free Press.

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

"I caution everyone to avoid taking the first field reporter job that comes along."

"Hey, I'm thirsty. I need a drink. A drink and a liverwurst sandwich. Hey, how about a sandwich and a beer down at Gallagher's, then we can go shoot some pool? Or maybe take in a movie. Hey, I'm talking to you."

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

'Let's go to our education reporter for more underreporting of school success stories.'

"Well, how do things look from where you sit?"

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

"The economy always seems to be recovering, but it never recovers."