Report Ringer Gifts

I downloaded the report from the internet, but stapled it myself.

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"I caution everyone to avoid taking the first field reporter job that comes along."

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

"Hey, I'm thirsty. I need a drink. A drink and a liverwurst sandwich. Hey, how about a sandwich and a beer down at Gallagher's, then we can go shoot some pool? Or maybe take in a movie. Hey, I'm talking to you."

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

'Let's go to our education reporter for more underreporting of school success stories.'

"Well, how do things look from where you sit?"

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

Press Freedom

Gay Times...

Difference of Opinion

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

There's a crew here from 60 minutes and they're coming this way.

A little bird told me...

'Not bad, Ms. Newborn. But take another crack at it, and this time remember that 'earnings-per-share' is the alter upon which all other numbers are sacrificed.'

"This just in: one of us always tells lies; the other always tells the truth. Who's who? Stay tuned."

"For details on the bear market, here's a bear..."

"You're either lying or not telling the truth."

'He was a great writer'

Anderson Cooper as a Kid. Today, an expose that asks the question: Who IS Simon, and why must we do what he says?

"What's with the Tim Russert act?"

'Hey!! What gives, there's nothing but a bunch of squiggly lines on this newspaper.'

Reporter #6: television.

'Stocks rose on the rumor that the market is mostly rumor-driven.'

"Allow me to respond to your question with a question of my own that I can answer."

Hello, this is Cable News. Oh. I'm Mortimer Park. As you know, we only have four short years until the next presidential election. So it's time to start asking: Who should run? Whom do you prefer? (A) Al Gore … (B) John Kerry … (C) Marco Rubio … (D) Ted Cruz ... (E) Christ Christie ... House of Java Cybercafe. How about (F) You? Mr. Eugene Yu is actually (T).

Newspaper suicide.

"This round, forget the finesse. Hit him."

Turkey, present day...

'The village's oldest inhabitant? We did have one, but he died.'

"Wow. . . is that you, Mr Erdogan. . . Mr Kim Jong-un. . . Mr Putin. . . Mr Maduro. . . Mr. Bin-Salman. . . Mr al-Assad. . ."

"Hang in there everyone—we promise a cute animal story at the end."

"So, what are you reading?"