Church Bell Ringer Gifts

Is it time for church already? I tolled you so!

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

Where 'Pastor'-ized Milk Comes From...

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

"This round, forget the finesse. Hit him."

'And you're sure you handed the baby to me?'

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

"As a member of the Sunday praise team you are not allowed to "change it up", whenever you feel led."

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

"Ding" "Dong"

"Hello. I'm here to install the new pastor."

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

'Next time the pastor asks if you know what his sermon was about, the answer is not about three hours.'

A hunchback rings bells in a gym while other guys pull weights

Sermon - why our religion is really better than yours.

'Golly, is it that time already?'

"I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon."

'If the Lord had wanted us to use the metric system, there would have been ten apostles!'

"Ding dong means the witch is dead. Ding ding means dinner is ready."

"The guy's a natural!"

'Look, Brother Timothy - a sign from God!'

'A funny thing happened to me on the way to the church tonight..'

'Doesn't ring any bells...'

The Missing Bell

"Turn to page 12 for our non-binary singalong."

"...lettuce pray."

"But if you teach him to fish, you have fed him for a lifetime."

"We learned in Sunday School about how Cain whacked Abel."

Sunday School. Strange --- Apples were forbidden, but apparently fried foods were okay.

"Have you ever worked in a noisy environment, and suffered hearing loss as a result?"

Ding and Dong.

The Hunchback of Notre Dame practices ringing the bell.

"That was a good sermon...but I'd have settled for a soundbite."

The Church-Going Bell.

The sermon was so boring the Preacher put himself to sleep.