Church Bell Ringer Pillows

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

"This round, forget the finesse. Hit him."

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

'And you're sure you handed the baby to me?'

"As a member of the Sunday praise team you are not allowed to "change it up", whenever you feel led."

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

"Ding" "Dong"

"Hello. I'm here to install the new pastor."

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

A hunchback rings bells in a gym while other guys pull weights

'Next time the pastor asks if you know what his sermon was about, the answer is not about three hours.'

'Golly, is it that time already?'

Sermon - why our religion is really better than yours.

"Ding dong means the witch is dead. Ding ding means dinner is ready."

"The guy's a natural!"

"I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon."

'If the Lord had wanted us to use the metric system, there would have been ten apostles!'

'Doesn't ring any bells...'

'Look, Brother Timothy - a sign from God!'

'A funny thing happened to me on the way to the church tonight..'

The Missing Bell

"Turn to page 12 for our non-binary singalong."

"Have you ever worked in a noisy environment, and suffered hearing loss as a result?"

"...lettuce pray."

"We learned in Sunday School about how Cain whacked Abel."

"But if you teach him to fish, you have fed him for a lifetime."

Ding and Dong.

The Hunchback of Notre Dame practices ringing the bell.

Missing Parsons.

"For simplicity, we call this one Ding and that one Dong."

The Church-Going Bell.

'Lettuce pray!'