Report Card Reflector Gifts

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

C in astrophysics, B- in calculus... what kind of genius are you?

"Look, Dad, I can explain my report card... Maybe I'm not the best student in the world...maybe I'll never be as good as you want me to be... Maybe..."

"Some other kid stole my identity and got all my 'A's."

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

'I got and 'E' in spelling.' - 'That is an 'F'.'

"These fourth grade marks are confusing...I got a B on the assignment, so is that like a smiley face or a star?"

"I'm afraid these grades aren't giving me a very satisfying vicarious life."

'Well, so my grades are A,B,C,D... at least I'm learning my alphabet.'

'I figured if 1 is good for milk, why not schoolwork, too?'

'You're FLUNKING me? - Doesn't SENIORITY count for anything around here?'

'Just tell him you mind your teacher and do your lessons. You don't have to prove it.'

'Can you remember where you were when you first realized you were full of crap?'

"If it makes any difference, it's a remarkable piece of plagiarism."

"The years 1966 through 1995 are blank because I was on tour with the Grateful Dead."

'I didn't do well in geography. I guess you had to be there.'

'Miss Harrison said it's a better report than the ones you used to get when you were in her class.'

'I'm the smartest one in the bottom group.'

'Obviously, the school board is giving an unfair advantage to gifted students.'

'Why are you being a discipline problem at school, turd?'

'I got an 'A' in abstinence.'

'Alice, call the emergency doctor! I just thought 'Hey, I've made enough money!''

'This note from your teacher says you're doing great for a six year old. Doesn't she know you're fifteen?'

'This wouldn't have happened if you'd saved to send me to a private school.'

"There is no complaint department, Robert."

"I've been to the office..."

"Mrs Hill, I'm calling to tell you that you got an F on Stewie's history essay..."

"It's a report card, not a credit card -- you don't get cash back."

"I was a cog in the machine for thirty years, and then it went solid-state!"

"Tireless worker? Well, when I was young, yes, but not anymore I can tell you..."

'But I thought you would be pleased-an 'A' plus in sex education,Dad!'

'I plead guilty.'

"I was a used-car salesman, but I was terrible at it."

Retirement...Retirement...

"Bye honey, have a great day at work."