Rental Ruminator Gifts

FOR RENT: 1-BR. APT. W/GARAGE. ! !

' I gather you wish to reassign your lease, Higgins.'

'...you said, 'it only gets a bit damp when it rains'!''

"And these are the Andersons, our tenants."

House hunting is cruel.

"In the room the women come and go. Talking of Michelangelo."

"I need an apartment just big enough for a laptop, a coffee cup, and me."

"The landlord has promised to sort out the damp problems."

"Sorry son, I rented out your room to backpackers on Airbnb."

Letting agent on the phone: 'OK, so there's fungus in the bathroom - but on the plus side, it IS organic.'

"The previous tenant has gone away for a very long time."

We divided it up and turned it into a rental.

"I think...therefore I am. I think."

"Let's see - you might be just right for a little 2-turret, 1 1/2 moat unit I'm renting on West 58th street."

The lessor of two evils.

'I always thought Facebook was the perfect roommate...Until the rent came due.'

"I really like smart women."

It's a nice apartment but I don't want to pay my share of the national debt for rent.

"Five more minutes, I was dreaming our apartment was rent-controlled."

"It's a new rent concept - fifteen minutes for a quarter."

'The secret to happiness is awaiting F.D.A. approval.'

'Here is the lead-based paint information, Fair Housing criteria, laws regarding tobacco use outdoors, slip-and-fall warning, and, barring any further public hysteria, the lease itself.'

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

'I'm presuming by the amount of rent you're asking for, it includes a full-time butler, maid and gardening staff!'

'Sorry, my dog says no landlords allowed!'

'Here is the lead-based paint information, Fair Housing criteria, laws regarding tobacco use outdoors slip-and-fall warning, and barring any further public hysteria, the lease itself.'

'Have you got something that says, 'I've got a headache?''

"Anything to accompany a stale marriage?"

Tenants and Landlords - 'Are we nearly there? ...'

Generation Rend. Young man rending his garments in anguish at extortionate rents.

Leonard Cohen calls his landlord

"Looks like rent-a-mob's arrived."

"He's moving out when he's saved up enough for a deposit on a flat."

Landlord holding back a tennant from his money: 'It's all part of the service!'

'Am I safe in assuming that your requirements do not include a formal dining room?'