Rental Car Wrangler Gifts

'Oh, it's been a terrible trip. Luckily I have two hours to take my aggression out on the rental car.'

Excess Baggage: Before starting your rental car, be sure the radio is turned all the way down.

"They've given me the Lion's share of budgetary constraints."

High Riders of the Old West

"I've outgrown my backpack."

"Excuse me, but I believe you are in my seat."

"I'm afraid he left everything to charity... Oh, I see. I take it your name's Charity?"

'Hold on there Jethro! You know I don't tolerate that kind of horseplay in this joint.'

"Will you stop saying 'ouch' every time I cut something out of your budget?"

'Even though you're the client, it's my duty to tell you you're wrong. . . Ok then. Speak slowly so I can write down your every whim.'

'Any stunt driving experience other than teaching three teen-agers to drive?'

'Did you want me, boss?'

Boss: '...Let's not forget who our customers are!' (It turns out they just have one left).

Mr Tom Noddy's First Day With the Hounds Pt. 1

"What's the problem Cowboy? Never heard of Cattle Driving before?"

"I got whiplash when I recoiled from your quote."

'Are you SURE you didn't invite the Brownes around for supper?'

"The $350 we received to stimulate the economy is still missing..."

Low rates!

"It's broken I'm afraid." "Will I be able to work?" "Depends. What do you do?" "Oh, I'm just a cowpoke for Circle 'Y' Ranch."

'Ever wish we were back on Wall Street?'

"That reminds me, we must sort out your will."

"No one is making you do anything you don't want. I'm just saying we're all headed for Dodge City and we think you should come along."

"...and then the heroic young investor managed to capture the evil high interest rate monster and wrestled him down until he was a mere 5.25%!"

"Wait a minute, that's my bar code" Product Identity Theft

'Do you have this in a smaller size?' - 'Is she nuts! She's way too big for that size. She'll destroy it if she tries it on...but if I don't answer her soon she'll destroy me...'

"Your tests are back. We've ruled out anything covered by your HMO."

'Take the camera and record the stockholders' revolt. If I can turn the situation around, it will be a milestone in my career and part of the folklore of my leadership.'

District Budget Meeting: Asprin

The opinion poll ltd.

'Just when I can make ends meet, you move the ends.'

"Here, I'll call the credit department for you...you might wanna push 'seven' on here."

Sales Clerk tricks woman into an instant merchandise exchange.

"When you've finished, could you do another for me?"

"Looks like we'll be walking today. The horses are staging a sit in."