Insurance Wrangler Gifts

May we see your insurance card again? The doctor would like to run some more tests on your coverage.

"Your tests are back. We've ruled out anything covered by your HMO."

High Riders of the Old West

"I've outgrown my backpack."

"Excuse me, but I believe you are in my seat."

"Okay, I'll renew your contract and raise you five sick days."

Excess Baggage: Before starting your rental car, be sure the radio is turned all the way down.

"There's a lot of uncertainty out there these days. Or not. Who knows?"

Gardener's Calendar: Try to put the other things back...

'Hold on there Jethro! You know I don't tolerate that kind of horseplay in this joint.'

'Even though you're the client, it's my duty to tell you you're wrong. . . Ok then. Speak slowly so I can write down your every whim.'

Why you must go to work

'I bet those are the accident reports.'

'Did you want me, boss?'

'Any stunt driving experience other than teaching three teen-agers to drive?'

'Well, well. You made more money last year than you did the year before -- You people never learn, do you?'

Boss: '...Let's not forget who our customers are!' (It turns out they just have one left).

'You're close to becoming the indispensable man, Grisnill - you keep finding loopholes.'

"What's the problem Cowboy? Never heard of Cattle Driving before?"

"You think they all look like security risks."

'Are you SURE you didn't invite the Brownes around for supper?'

"It's broken I'm afraid." "Will I be able to work?" "Depends. What do you do?" "Oh, I'm just a cowpoke for Circle 'Y' Ranch."

"No one is making you do anything you don't want. I'm just saying we're all headed for Dodge City and we think you should come along."

'Where do you see yourself not getting tenure in seven years?'

'So, Bill! What do you think my chances are of moving into supervisory position?'

'Take the camera and record the stockholders' revolt. If I can turn the situation around, it will be a milestone in my career and part of the folklore of my leadership.'

"These investments aren't without risk. Your mailbox might explode with prospectuses."

"Being a post-doc for thirty years can really screw up your life."

"Wait a minute, that's my bar code" Product Identity Theft

"Sorry, self defense can't be a plea in a fraud case."

'Do you have this in a smaller size?' - 'Is she nuts! She's way too big for that size. She'll destroy it if she tries it on...but if I don't answer her soon she'll destroy me...'

The opinion poll ltd.

"Turns out Mommy's life is one big long report, sweeitie."

"Here, I'll call the credit department for you...you might wanna push 'seven' on here."

Sales Clerk tricks woman into an instant merchandise exchange.