Rent Raiser Gifts

'I'm afraid that I have to raise the rent.'

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Not you. Your hair.

Where do you see yourself five years from today, dork-boy? 43 Breen Road. What are you talking about? It's where everyone wants to go. It's the most popular AirBnB in San Francisco. The earliest opening they had was five years from today. Just book a hotel. Hotels are so 2007.

Guess which "squeaky wheel" got another raise.

' I gather you wish to reassign your lease, Higgins.'

'...you said, 'it only gets a bit damp when it rains'!''

'Do you think now's a good time to ask for a raise?' - 'I wouldn't if I was you. She gave me one this morning.'

"A good quarter is a joy forever."

"And these are the Andersons, our tenants."

Father changing nappy, "Heir freshener"

House hunting is cruel.

"I need an apartment just big enough for a laptop, a coffee cup, and me."

'You're allowed to pick up the ball before it stops rolling, you know.'

Hug Your Boss (Use the Opportunity for the Power of Suggestion).

"The landlord has promised to sort out the damp problems."

Army Barracks

"It's meatloaf. We didn't make our Kickstarter goal for steak."

Letting agent on the phone: 'OK, so there's fungus in the bathroom - but on the plus side, it IS organic.'

"I agree you're due for a raise, and when you leave my office, you'll still be due for a raise!"

'You got a raise? Does this mean some of it will trickle down to me?'

The lessor of two evils.

"The previous tenant has gone away for a very long time."

"It's a new rent concept - fifteen minutes for a quarter."

"Five more minutes, I was dreaming our apartment was rent-controlled."

"Let's see - you might be just right for a little 2-turret, 1 1/2 moat unit I'm renting on West 58th street."

It's a nice apartment but I don't want to pay my share of the national debt for rent.

We divided it up and turned it into a rental.

'I always thought Facebook was the perfect roommate...Until the rent came due.'

'Here is the lead-based paint information, Fair Housing criteria, laws regarding tobacco use outdoors, slip-and-fall warning, and, barring any further public hysteria, the lease itself.'

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

'I'm presuming by the amount of rent you're asking for, it includes a full-time butler, maid and gardening staff!'

Generation Rend. Young man rending his garments in anguish at extortionate rents.

"He's moving out when he's saved up enough for a deposit on a flat."