Money Raiser Gifts

"It's meatloaf. We didn't make our Kickstarter goal for steak."

'Now that I have your attention...'

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

"We only got six days of funding."

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

"Bad things happen to people who don't buy my cookies, Sir."

"I'm in nonprofit work for the money."

You can breed these if the environment is right.

"He says he wants to see the actual brick he donated."

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

'But I do have fun. I have lots lots of fun. I have lots of fun making money.'

'The best grants lie that-a-ways, Ma'am.'

'Al, this is Jack. He's with the Committee to Eliminate the Board of Education. Jack, this is Al. He's with the Committee to Increase Funding for the Board of Education.'

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

Spoiler alert: most of my presentation is actually a series of trigger warnings.

'Now all this stuff will finally begin to pay for itself - here's the formula for transmuting lead into gold.'

'I had a great year and I wasn't even trying.'

'Before we found you, we were just squeaking by.'

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

"A good quarter is a joy forever."

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

Money Tree

The nonprofit dog fight.

'Sorry - I only donate big.'

'I do my best work when I'm being paid a huge salary.'

Man chasing money

"The nonprofit competitive grant season begins

"What are we doing wrong?"

Student about Biz Quick class: 'It's bite-size information in a 15 minute class that teaches you how to roll in the dough.'

'I'm getting a head start for Movember.'

'There are articles all over the press about how stress can kill you!'