Money Raiser T-Shirts

"It's meatloaf. We didn't make our Kickstarter goal for steak."

'Now that I have your attention...'

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

"We only got six days of funding."

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

"Bad things happen to people who don't buy my cookies, Sir."

"I'm in nonprofit work for the money."

You can breed these if the environment is right.

'My ambition used to drive the economy. Now it drives my Mercedes.'

Not you. Your hair.

"He says he wants to see the actual brick he donated."

We're making progress building a staff for the palace. The king's lawyer and accountant has sealed lips, of course. Putting a big heart in the charity foundation chief, and building the gardener with a green thumb were excellent choices, Ernie. But the entertainers sill need some fixes. The jester doesn't have a funny bone. I'm nobody's fool. And you have the minstrel a tin ear! Oops.

Guess which "squeaky wheel" got another raise.

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

'But I do have fun. I have lots lots of fun. I have lots of fun making money.'

'The best grants lie that-a-ways, Ma'am.'

'Al, this is Jack. He's with the Committee to Eliminate the Board of Education. Jack, this is Al. He's with the Committee to Increase Funding for the Board of Education.'

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

Spoiler alert: most of my presentation is actually a series of trigger warnings.

'Now all this stuff will finally begin to pay for itself - here's the formula for transmuting lead into gold.'

'I had a great year and I wasn't even trying.'

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

'Before we found you, we were just squeaking by.'

"A good quarter is a joy forever."

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

Money Tree

The nonprofit dog fight.

'Sorry - I only donate big.'

'I do my best work when I'm being paid a huge salary.'

'Oooh, honey, will you get me that one?!'

Man chasing money

"What are we doing wrong?"

'There are articles all over the press about how stress can kill you!'

Student about Biz Quick class: 'It's bite-size information in a 15 minute class that teaches you how to roll in the dough.'

"The nonprofit competitive grant season begins