Rent Collector Gifts

'Damp? The bath's got a ring round its OUTSIDE!'

'I don't care that you've been the landlord's imaginary friend since childhood. I'm engaged to demand payment of rent!'

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

"My online account predicts the things I should own, then buys them with my credit card. It�s very convenient, but I do now need to move to a larger house."

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

'It seats two comfortably.'

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

"Whaddya want for nineteen mil?"

'I chose my field on what would put the most impressive initials after my name.'

'...you said, 'it only gets a bit damp when it rains'!''

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

'You shouldn't have.'

The Boss.

'Hi, I'm looking for something small and portable!'

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

J.P.Hensmore Superintendent AKA Head Honcho, The Big Guy,The Man, Numero Uno and The Big Cheese.

"Fetch, Ernie, fetch!"

"Please feel free to browse."

"I wonder what this was for."

"Congratulations J.L., I hear you're getting another 'really' in your title."

"Hey, Dad, guess what? My Honus Wagner baseball card is worth $2.1 million!"

"You get one every time you order something online."

"I'm sorry, I can't assist with this request."

"It's a flip phone. I guess we can document this as an ancient, archaeological discovery."

'How old is this vase?'

"That's not all I do. Actually I'm a psychological counselor- gymnast-motivational speaker-relaxation therapist-sex worker."

You're supposed to come out. Cat-in-a-Box!

Carrier Pigeons

'Your entire library consists of nothing but tabloids bound in Corinthian leather?'

'He calls himself a philanthropist, but would prefer Lord Philanthropist.'

"I never expected you to pay through the nose."

'...but the good new is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

"Hmm interesting Hallmark..."