Rent Day Gifts

'I don't care that you've been the landlord's imaginary friend since childhood. I'm engaged to demand payment of rent!'

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

' I gather you wish to reassign your lease, Higgins.'

'...you said, 'it only gets a bit damp when it rains'!''

'There goes any chance of us getting our security deposit back.'

'Well, the rent is a bit more expensive than usual because there are only 1 327 482 other tenants...'

Tenants Wanted: "We're in luck, boys!"

"And these are the Andersons, our tenants."

House hunting is cruel.

"I need an apartment just big enough for a laptop, a coffee cup, and me."

"The landlord has promised to sort out the damp problems."

Letting agent on the phone: 'OK, so there's fungus in the bathroom - but on the plus side, it IS organic.'

The lessor of two evils.

We divided it up and turned it into a rental.

"The previous tenant has gone away for a very long time."

'I always thought Facebook was the perfect roommate...Until the rent came due.'

"Let's see - you might be just right for a little 2-turret, 1 1/2 moat unit I'm renting on West 58th street."

"Wanna rent some videos?"

It's a nice apartment but I don't want to pay my share of the national debt for rent.

"It's a new rent concept - fifteen minutes for a quarter."

"Five more minutes, I was dreaming our apartment was rent-controlled."

'Here is the lead-based paint information, Fair Housing criteria, laws regarding tobacco use outdoors, slip-and-fall warning, and, barring any further public hysteria, the lease itself.'

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

'I'm presuming by the amount of rent you're asking for, it includes a full-time butler, maid and gardening staff!'

'Sorry, my dog says no landlords allowed!'

'Here is the lead-based paint information, Fair Housing criteria, laws regarding tobacco use outdoors slip-and-fall warning, and barring any further public hysteria, the lease itself.'

"Looks like rent-a-mob's arrived."

"Considering the rental market, this property offers a fantastic view, and they'll drop the restrictions."

Tenants and Landlords - 'Are we nearly there? ...'

Airport Terminal. Rental Cars. That self-driving vehicle is waiting for us to go first. It's a courtesy van!

"How much are they for my rent? About three times a week!"

"Well, thank God it's not the plumbing! Let's run down town, drop off a check and sign that lease!!"

Generation Rend. Young man rending his garments in anguish at extortionate rents.

Leonard Cohen calls his landlord

"He's moving out when he's saved up enough for a deposit on a flat."