Rent Due Day Gifts

'I always thought Facebook was the perfect roommate...Until the rent came due.'

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

' I gather you wish to reassign your lease, Higgins.'

'...you said, 'it only gets a bit damp when it rains'!''

Tenants Wanted: "We're in luck, boys!"

"And these are the Andersons, our tenants."

House hunting is cruel.

"I need an apartment just big enough for a laptop, a coffee cup, and me."

"The landlord has promised to sort out the damp problems."

'And remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

"It's a nice unit, but there may be a faint odor from the last tenant..." "Yeah, enough to make you faint."

Letting agent on the phone: 'OK, so there's fungus in the bathroom - but on the plus side, it IS organic.'

"Let's see - you might be just right for a little 2-turret, 1 1/2 moat unit I'm renting on West 58th street."

"It's a new rent concept - fifteen minutes for a quarter."

It's a nice apartment but I don't want to pay my share of the national debt for rent.

"The previous tenant has gone away for a very long time."

"Five more minutes, I was dreaming our apartment was rent-controlled."

The lessor of two evils.

We divided it up and turned it into a rental.

'Here is the lead-based paint information, Fair Housing criteria, laws regarding tobacco use outdoors, slip-and-fall warning, and, barring any further public hysteria, the lease itself.'

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

'I'm presuming by the amount of rent you're asking for, it includes a full-time butler, maid and gardening staff!'

'Here is the lead-based paint information, Fair Housing criteria, laws regarding tobacco use outdoors slip-and-fall warning, and barring any further public hysteria, the lease itself.'

"He's moving out when he's saved up enough for a deposit on a flat."

"How much are they for my rent? About three times a week!"

Shoe for Rent

Tenants and Landlords - 'Are we nearly there? ...'

"Looks like rent-a-mob's arrived."

Generation Rend. Young man rending his garments in anguish at extortionate rents.

Leonard Cohen calls his landlord

Landlord holding back a tennant from his money: 'It's all part of the service!'

'Am I safe in assuming that your requirements do not include a formal dining room?'

"Look! It's the Buy-to-let brigade."

"The flat I rented from you is a pig-sty!"