Renter At Heart Gifts

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Where do you see yourself five years from today, dork-boy? 43 Breen Road. What are you talking about? It's where everyone wants to go. It's the most popular AirBnB in San Francisco. The earliest opening they had was five years from today. Just book a hotel. Hotels are so 2007.

' I gather you wish to reassign your lease, Higgins.'

'...you said, 'it only gets a bit damp when it rains'!''

'There goes any chance of us getting our security deposit back.'

"And these are the Andersons, our tenants."

House hunting is cruel.

"I need an apartment just big enough for a laptop, a coffee cup, and me."

"The landlord has promised to sort out the damp problems."

Letting agent on the phone: 'OK, so there's fungus in the bathroom - but on the plus side, it IS organic.'

"The previous tenant has gone away for a very long time."

We divided it up and turned it into a rental.

"Let's see - you might be just right for a little 2-turret, 1 1/2 moat unit I'm renting on West 58th street."

The lessor of two evils.

'I always thought Facebook was the perfect roommate...Until the rent came due.'

It's a nice apartment but I don't want to pay my share of the national debt for rent.

"It's a new rent concept - fifteen minutes for a quarter."

"Five more minutes, I was dreaming our apartment was rent-controlled."

'Here is the lead-based paint information, Fair Housing criteria, laws regarding tobacco use outdoors, slip-and-fall warning, and, barring any further public hysteria, the lease itself.'

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

'I'm presuming by the amount of rent you're asking for, it includes a full-time butler, maid and gardening staff!'

'Here is the lead-based paint information, Fair Housing criteria, laws regarding tobacco use outdoors slip-and-fall warning, and barring any further public hysteria, the lease itself.'

"Considering the rental market, this property offers a fantastic view, and they'll drop the restrictions."

"Looks like rent-a-mob's arrived."

"He's moving out when he's saved up enough for a deposit on a flat."

Tenants and Landlords - 'Are we nearly there? ...'

Airport Terminal. Rental Cars. That self-driving vehicle is waiting for us to go first. It's a courtesy van!

"Well, thank God it's not the plumbing! Let's run down town, drop off a check and sign that lease!!"

Generation Rend. Young man rending his garments in anguish at extortionate rents.

Leonard Cohen calls his landlord

"If this is a bit beyond your budget then I've got a shoebox coming available next week!"

"It's true that the basement's flooded, but it's stocked."

Landlord holding back a tennant from his money: 'It's all part of the service!'

'Am I safe in assuming that your requirements do not include a formal dining room?'

"Look! It's the Buy-to-let brigade."