The Cautious Leaseholder Gifts

'Here is the lead-based paint information, Fair Housing criteria, laws regarding tobacco use outdoors slip-and-fall warning, and barring any further public hysteria, the lease itself.'

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

"We've decided to convert the dungeon into studio apartments, so kill all the prisoners."

'Sub lease' and 'Executive suite' putting money into a smug piggy bank

'I don't know about you, but I could do with a break.'

Man on an Island has a sign that says: Selling Out Must Vacate Lost Lease.

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

"Once upon a time there were three little pigs who had this real sweetheart of a rent-controlled deal."

'Give them lager and sunglasses.'

"If this is a bit beyond your budget then I've got a shoebox coming available next week!"

Landlord holding back a tennant from his money: 'It's all part of the service!'

"I've rented the extra room to an escaped convict - maybe you know him."

"Ooooh, she's tall! Good! Come in! I'll put away the flame thrower."

'I think it's the landlord after his three months in advance lease payments.'

'I'm sorry, but I don't feel comfortable with signing a long term lease.'

'Well so much for not needing a break clause in the lease.'

"Let me guess - stout and bitter?"

'For rent'

'I'm serving you with a schedule of dilapidation.'

'How interesting, the subdivision's built on an empty mineshaft.'

"I'd like to say this will all be yours someday, but it's all rented."

'And now, before we sign the lease on your apartment, repeat after me...I do solemnly swear that during the terms of this lease, I will have no children...'

My landlord told me you're the guy who's supposed to paint our apartment.

‘We unknowingly bought a leasehold new build!’

"They say, 'The fox knows many things, but the hedgehog knows one great thing.' Want to hear it?"

'The landlord's here, and he looks hungry!'

"Your lease is up" threatening letter.

"All this talk of a 'lack of affordable housing' is nonsense....I should know, I've got six!"

"Hey, the landlad is here to fix the sink."

'To enablers!'

School of Hard Knocks Tavern...NO damn happy hour

'We lived in a shoe until the landlord gave us the boot.'

'Look out! The landlord's arrived for his yearly tip.'

'They all do that, Sir!'