Future Landlords Gifts

"I'd like to say this will all be yours someday, but it's all rented."

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

'Think I preferred the old Irish barman.'

'No ice.'

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

'No standing while room is in motion.'

'I don't know if money grows on trees, son. I know it doesn't grow in fields.'

'Your husband? He's just leaving...'

Shaken not stirred

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

Best Before 5th Pint.

'I know it's gassy...'

'Why would anyone order a pint of stoat?'

"How was my day? I'm still calculating the little victories minus the humiliations I normally suffer."

Jack and Ina build their dream house.

'We get our draft straight from the brewery.'

"My path to success and fortune was that rather than foraging and storing my own food, I built a portfolio of storage properties to rent..."

'Okay then, what's the price break on TWENTY drinks?'

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

"Just water for me, please."

Barman In Love.

Bar: Now serving 24 hours - 'I want to get as wasted as you look.'

"I thought we'd eat out on the patio for a change."

"Every night the same gets legless, swearin 'n' fightin' then slumps into a stupor. . ."

'I thought I would rent it out for the extra dough.'

'John, I have to get going. Here's my views on politics, sports, and automobiles in case some of the boys come in later.'

'There goes any chance of us getting our security deposit back.'

"I rented out the basement."

"You're looking a bit RUFF this morning."

'Telephone call for Mr. Right!'

'Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine... LAST!'

I asked my girlfriend if there was someone else...

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'

'What happened to your hand.'