Future Landlords Gifts

"I'd like to say this will all be yours someday, but it's all rented."

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

'Think I preferred the old Irish barman.'

'No ice.'

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

'No standing while room is in motion.'

'Your husband? He's just leaving...'

Shaken not stirred

'I don't know if money grows on trees, son. I know it doesn't grow in fields.'

'I know it's gassy...'

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

Best Before 5th Pint.

"How was my day? I'm still calculating the little victories minus the humiliations I normally suffer."

'Why would anyone order a pint of stoat?'

Jack and Ina build their dream house.

'We get our draft straight from the brewery.'

Barman In Love.

Bar: Now serving 24 hours - 'I want to get as wasted as you look.'

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

"Just water for me, please."

"My path to success and fortune was that rather than foraging and storing my own food, I built a portfolio of storage properties to rent..."

"I thought we'd eat out on the patio for a change."

'Okay then, what's the price break on TWENTY drinks?'

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

"Every night the same gets legless, swearin 'n' fightin' then slumps into a stupor. . ."

'I thought I would rent it out for the extra dough.'

' I gather you wish to reassign your lease, Higgins.'

'John, I have to get going. Here's my views on politics, sports, and automobiles in case some of the boys come in later.'

'There goes any chance of us getting our security deposit back.'

'What happened to your hand.'

"You're looking a bit RUFF this morning."

'Telephone call for Mr. Right!'

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'

'Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine... LAST!'

I asked my girlfriend if there was someone else...