Landlords Gifts

"They say, 'The fox knows many things, but the hedgehog knows one great thing.' Want to hear it?"

'To enablers!'

"We've decided to convert the dungeon into studio apartments, so kill all the prisoners."

'Give them lager and sunglasses.'

"Let me guess - stout and bitter?"

'For rent'

School of Hard Knocks Tavern...NO damn happy hour

'I think it's the landlord after his three months in advance lease payments.'

My landlord told me you're the guy who's supposed to paint our apartment.

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

'Think I preferred the old Irish barman.'

'No ice.'

'No standing while room is in motion.'

'Your husband? He's just leaving...'

'I know it's gassy...'

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

Shaken not stirred

Best Before 5th Pint.

"How was my day? I'm still calculating the little victories minus the humiliations I normally suffer."

'Why would anyone order a pint of stoat?'

'We get our draft straight from the brewery.'

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

'Bartender...There's soap in my beer glass!' - Man farting bubbles.

Bar: Now serving 24 hours - 'I want to get as wasted as you look.'

'Okay then, what's the price break on TWENTY drinks?'

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

"Every night the same gets legless, swearin 'n' fightin' then slumps into a stupor. . ."

Barman In Love.

"Just water for me, please."

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

"My path to success and fortune was that rather than foraging and storing my own food, I built a portfolio of storage properties to rent..."

'I thought I would rent it out for the extra dough.'

' I gather you wish to reassign your lease, Higgins.'

'John, I have to get going. Here's my views on politics, sports, and automobiles in case some of the boys come in later.'

'There goes any chance of us getting our security deposit back.'