Landlord-tenant Relations Gifts

'Look out! The landlord's arrived for his yearly tip.'

'And now, before we sign the lease on your apartment, repeat after me...I do solemnly swear that during the terms of this lease, I will have no children...'

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

'Think I preferred the old Irish barman.'

'No ice.'

'No standing while room is in motion.'

'Your husband? He's just leaving...'

Best Before 5th Pint.

Shaken not stirred

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

'I know it's gassy...'

'Why would anyone order a pint of stoat?'

"How was my day? I'm still calculating the little victories minus the humiliations I normally suffer."

'We get our draft straight from the brewery.'

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

'Bartender...There's soap in my beer glass!' - Man farting bubbles.

"Just water for me, please."

'Okay then, what's the price break on TWENTY drinks?'

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

Bar: Now serving 24 hours - 'I want to get as wasted as you look.'

"Every night the same gets legless, swearin 'n' fightin' then slumps into a stupor. . ."

Barman In Love.

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

"My path to success and fortune was that rather than foraging and storing my own food, I built a portfolio of storage properties to rent..."

'I thought I would rent it out for the extra dough.'

' I gather you wish to reassign your lease, Higgins.'

'...you said, 'it only gets a bit damp when it rains'!''

'John, I have to get going. Here's my views on politics, sports, and automobiles in case some of the boys come in later.'

'There goes any chance of us getting our security deposit back.'

"What'll ya have?"

'Telephone call for Mr. Right!'

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'

"You're looking a bit RUFF this morning."

'What happened to your hand.'

'Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine... LAST!'