Landlord-tenant Tale Lover Gifts

'Does this mean I don't get my security deposit back?'

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

A small snooker player chalking his cue.

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

"I thought we'd eat out on the patio for a change."

Alice in Wonderland: Alice and the Dodo.

"...and the dung was this big!.... No...elephant, actually."

"You have to practice because if the Devil challenges you to a fiddle contest and wins, he gets your soul."

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

"Well, I just experienced my first misophoia trigger."

William and Real Estate

Today's special guest: Rudy Park. Author of the bestselling memoir iMac Therefore I Am. Raised by rabid chimps in the desert, Rudy went on to invent the computer, and date Paris Hilton. Such an inspiring tale, young man. I made it all up. And so honest, too. Let me come clean!

Goldilocks reads note from three bears: Gone for a walk in the woods. Your porridge is on the table.

The lessor of two evils.

'Our tuna salad baguettes are this big!'

"Hopefully, the 7-foot guy is on our side."

'Here is the lead-based paint information, Fair Housing criteria, laws regarding tobacco use outdoors slip-and-fall warning, and barring any further public hysteria, the lease itself.'

'Couldn't you people have a dog or a cat for a pet?'

"God is out to get me."

Adam chasing Eve with a leaf blower.

"Ooooh, she's tall! Good! Come in! I'll put away the flame thrower."

Man with a piggy bank in a car with 'Just Leased' written on the back.

Real Estate Lust

' Look at these yolk stains.I figure he was killed here,then dragged out to the wall to make it look like an accident.'

"I've rented the extra room to an escaped convict - maybe you know him."

"You're the lapdog. Tell us what they're saying."

"Okay...so I cheated."

'Fifty years ago he beat the Hare in that race, and we never hear the end of it!'

Ralph Rackstraw and Josephine HMS Pinafore

Three Bears Bed and Breakfast. Rated Four Stars by Goldilocks.

"I've learned to live with the ever-present specter of death, but mostly because it's started chipping in for rent."

'And now, before we sign the lease on your apartment, repeat after me...I do solemnly swear that during the terms of this lease, I will have no children...'

'I went fly fishing yesterday. I caught a 5lb blue bottle.'

Damsel NOT in distress.