Landlord-tenant Tale Lover Gifts

'Does this mean I don't get my security deposit back?'

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

A small snooker player chalking his cue.

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

"I thought we'd eat out on the patio for a change."

Alice in Wonderland: Alice and the Dodo.

"...and the dung was this big!.... No...elephant, actually."

"You have to practice because if the Devil challenges you to a fiddle contest and wins, he gets your soul."

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

William and Real Estate

"Well, I just experienced my first misophoia trigger."

'Our tuna salad baguettes are this big!'

"Hopefully, the 7-foot guy is on our side."

The lessor of two evils.

Goldilocks reads note from three bears: Gone for a walk in the woods. Your porridge is on the table.

'Here is the lead-based paint information, Fair Housing criteria, laws regarding tobacco use outdoors slip-and-fall warning, and barring any further public hysteria, the lease itself.'

'Couldn't you people have a dog or a cat for a pet?'

"God is out to get me."

Adam chasing Eve with a leaf blower.

"I've rented the extra room to an escaped convict - maybe you know him."

"Ooooh, she's tall! Good! Come in! I'll put away the flame thrower."

' Look at these yolk stains.I figure he was killed here,then dragged out to the wall to make it look like an accident.'

Man with a piggy bank in a car with 'Just Leased' written on the back.

Real Estate Lust

"You're the lapdog. Tell us what they're saying."

"Okay...so I cheated."

Damsel NOT in distress.

'Fifty years ago he beat the Hare in that race, and we never hear the end of it!'

"I've learned to live with the ever-present specter of death, but mostly because it's started chipping in for rent."

'I went fly fishing yesterday. I caught a 5lb blue bottle.'

Ralph Rackstraw and Josephine HMS Pinafore

'And now, before we sign the lease on your apartment, repeat after me...I do solemnly swear that during the terms of this lease, I will have no children...'

Esther plots some extra humiliation for Haman at her party.