Reluctant Orator Pillows

'You were talking in your sleep again.'

"I’ve got to take this. It’s someone who isn’t obsessed with summer fun."

"The problem with these instructions is that they assume I have the attention span to actually read something."

"I am not asking for directions."

"I got tired of 'Moby-Dick' taunting me from my bookshelf, so I put it on my Kindle and haven't thought of it since."

"I tried getting good grades without studying, but it isn't working."

"That was one of the hardest exams ever. I don't think anybody got a good grade."

'Thanks for the invitation, but I can never seem to find the energy to party...'

"Homework! Homework! Homework! I'll be doing this for hours! Talk about a misspent youth."

Telling Self to Buzz Off

"I seem to have forgotten what I was saying...please...hold the applause!"

'Your mother and I want you to know that you wouldn't be hurting our feelings if you decided not to go to University.'

"You'll be pleased to know you haven't got any homework this evening."

'Liquor will solve this problem, chief!'

spellchecker

'Before I read the investment committee's report - I would remind everyone that I never asked to be on this damn committee.'

"What did I learn in school today...I learned I don't like school!"

"Son, we didn't spend a fortune on your education so you can 'just be yourself.'"

"You're going to the Partner's Social whether you like it or not!"

"I have to write a book report for school. . . do you have any books with lots of pictures?"

'Before I read the investment committee's report - I would remind everyone that I never asked to be on this committee.'

'Who cares where Waldo is?'

Man Readig Paper

Summer Reading

'I'm going, but if school didn't have a 'Kids Get In Free' policy...'

"My physical therapist says this is the worst possible position you can lie in."

"Next up is Alex's dad who's going to tell us all about the job that he has and feels desperately trapped in."

'We don't want to give the presentation. We don't know that much stuff.'

This week, House Manager Blowviatt has been asked to avoid the appearance of playing to the cameras.

'I'm home from a mind-numbing day at the office, ready to watch some mind-numbing TV.'

"Frank's trying to outreach to people who only come to the library to use the washroom!"

Parents of student:'Shh George is revising!'

Do you think it's too late for me to go to law school and position myself for an appointment to the Supreme Court? Yes, unfortunately. You'd have to go back in time and start preparing early. By that I mean WAY back. As in you'd have to ensure that the cells that formed you had genes that would give you intellectual curiosity, above-average intelligence, and ambition. But you do still have time to become a layabout. You seem to have prepared very well for that. What? You'd still get to wear a ro

Armstrong, I've worked here for a long time and I think I deserve a raise. How about it? I'll give you an Indian Ocean raise, minion. How does an Indian Ocean raise of $2 an hour sound? Fun fact: The Indiana Ocean's on the opposite side of the world, so its "up" is our "down." I don't think that's how "up" works, boss. "Relativity" is just a theory.

"I really should call my mother — I just don’t want to talk to her."