Reluctant Dater Gifts

'Better than looking at four walls is here.'

"How sweet, your hand is trembling."

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

"I got tired of 'Moby-Dick' taunting me from my bookshelf, so I put it on my Kindle and haven't thought of it since."

'Next, time, we'll meet at my place.'

'Eloise! Come back! I was just going to show you some of the equipment we use in veterinary school...'

Mall Directory: You are here, but your mind is somewhere else.

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

"Homework! Homework! Homework! I'll be doing this for hours! Talk about a misspent youth."

'He's narrating it, I just know it.'

"Don't worry, I'm a doctor."

'Studies show that most boys my age don't like to read. Who am I to tamper with statistics?'

Spud dating.

"Tell your date you're a vegetarian before he orders that expensive gourmet dinner."

'As long as I stand here I'm safe. . . no stress. . . no pressure. . . no need to impress. . . I can just relax and be who I am. . .'

'No, officer, I'm not a homeless beggar. I'm just waiting on my wife while she's shopping.'

'I don't want to go school shopping! Can't you just buy stuff for me?. . .Just get me more of this in the next size up!'

"You're going to the Partner's Social whether you like it or not!"

"I have to write a book report for school. . . do you have any books with lots of pictures?"

"She stood me up. I hosed off my Crocs for nothing."

Florist. You're taking your new girlfriend to the aviary for Valentine's Day? Yes -- It's a cheap date.

Nethead strip: Dates

"You must believe me, Jane. I have excellent narrative skills."

'You two will have lots in common - you share the same anxiety neurosis.'

Ventrilamatch.com

Dr Atkins on a date: 'Why does he keep looking at me like I'm a piece of meat?'

Summer Reading

Man Readig Paper

'Who cares where Waldo is?'

Why men hate shopping.

Valentines Day.

"Is there a discount for someone who doesn't want to see the movie?"

"Would you ask the chef to hurry? We're running out of conversation."

"Been lookin' for love in all the wrong carnivals."

"Well, would you like to tell me anything about you now or shall I carry on where I left off?"