Reluctant Spouse Gifts

Sign your marriage is in trouble.

"I’ve got to take this. It’s someone who isn’t obsessed with summer fun."

Mall Directory: You are here, but your mind is somewhere else.

"The holidays are finished George, get over it!"

Desk boxes: 'In', 'Out', and 'What ever'.

"You don't get a lot of work done, Jenkins, but I admire how thoroughly unstressed you are."

John was bck from extended leave, but he hadn't quite got in the swing of things yet.

"Sorry... My School Aversion Syndrome is totally bad today."

"Every time I think we've sorted our marriage problems out, he comes home again!"

'I don't want to go school shopping! Can't you just buy stuff for me?. . .Just get me more of this in the next size up!'

'No, officer, I'm not a homeless beggar. I'm just waiting on my wife while she's shopping.'

Stop staring at that screen saver!

You'll need all your energy when you get home.

'Is there a lemon law for husbands?'

"Enjoy my first day at school? You mean there'll be others?"

"Go join your coach and the rest of your team. I'll be watching from the bar."

"She stood me up. I hosed off my Crocs for nothing."

"The boss is on a working vacation and we're on a nonworking vacation."

'I couldn't decide what to wear to work so I just didn't go.'

Why men hate shopping.

"My physical therapist says this is the worst possible position you can lie in."

"No need to rush back to work. The office lad is doing your job."

'Don't worry, Mom - I'll do my book report during the next commercial.'

The Imperfect Hostess

"Mom, don't believe it. It's Fake News."

"Do I love myself or is it lust?"

'Living together might work out, Randy, but I could never comply with a whole MARRIAGE!'

'Better than looking at four walls is here.'

We're actually looking for someone who just wants to get out of the house.

"Say, Honey, I forgot to tell you that the Snootmyers called...they'll be over for drinks in twenty minutes!"

"For Christ's sake, Bob, tuck your shirt in."

"We just weren't compatible.Her body-clock was telling her to settle down and have kids,and mine was telling me that the pub was open."

'It's the only way I can get him to help me with the shopping.'

"Baldo, I need you to take this out to the dumpster."

"I really should call my mother — I just don’t want to talk to her."