Religious Wit Enthusiast Gifts

24/7 th Heaven

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"You call this a constitution?"

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

Ezekiel and his Dog: "Have you been in the valley of dry bones again?"

Dogma

Benedict & Associates: Communication Strategies, Lobbying. . .

"I certainly trust this meal is kosher."

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"You say I can move mountains? Right now,it's all I can do to turn over a new leaf!"

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

'The Brothers of the Order of Saint Orson, patron saint of fried foods'

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

'Well, there go all MY plans....'

'Please take your receipt!'

Sermon Applause.

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

Paul was Generally Considered the Cutest Apostle

'This business about the meek inheriting the Earth -- can't anything be done about it?'

'What are you giving up for Lent this year?' - 'Anchovies.' - 'I thought you hated anchovies?' - 'I do. Care for a cookie instead?' - 'Lent is supposed to be about challenge and sacrifice!' - 'Play to win, Baby!'

'Turn the other cheek, reverend.'

Religious Maintenance: 24 Hr Callout.

"My name's God, and I approve this message."

"Pastor Bob is the leader of the flock, son, not the herd."

The Vatican's undercover mission to Antarctica, and some endangered penguins.

Gates of heaven

'Dad, if God rested on the seventh day, who milked the cows?'

"I was kind of hoping just to tell them what they want to hear...."