Religious Studies Aficionado Pillows

"Do I have one too?"

"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."

"I can't eat another Christian - they' re full of Dogma."

'Is there any way we could ease into these GRADUALLY?'

"Apple pie! This is no trick, is it?

"The last doggy bag."

I've founded my own religion. Of course you have, Rudy. It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths. If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted. What are the central tenets of your religion? A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation.

'Could you carve the Commandments in stone? -- otherwise they'll think I made them up.'

"Manishewitz! The lawyers are gonna go nuts with this!"

"He changed water into wine!"

Brigham Young

"Guess who brought king cake!"

You got that beer that the monks make, didn't you?

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

After 39 years, 11 months, 28 days, Moses finally received the GPS he ordered from Amazon.

'Yes, all at once!'

"Well, we needed the rain."

"It's cool – God told us to!"

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

Trappist Monk Discord

A surprise in heaven

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

"They're SUPPOSED to have a disparate impact!"

"What? You broke number 3 already?"

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

'You were great at 'Daniel in the Lion's Den!' -- I'd sure like to hear you do 'The Three Little Pigs' sometime!'

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

The World's Biggest Book Club

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank