Religious Rogue Pillows

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

'The BOSS sent me down to help rebuild your faith.'

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

"Your son is asking a lot of questions about the giant hands in the sky that controls everything."

God Sneezes Out Creation

"O.K., O.K., people - we're not workshopping these, they're already set in stone."

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

Golfing Bishop.

"All we have left is standing room only."

At the 2021 Religious Games

The Current Separation of Church and State Explained.

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

Priest

"We've been wandering in the desert for forty years. But he's a man—would he ever ask directions?"

"Ma, what does 'kosher' mean?"

Cleric with bible briefcase.

"In the same of the phone, the tablet, and the desktop computer."

Benedict & Associates: Communication Strategies, Lobbying. . .

"You're kidding! You count S.A.T.s?"

"Then it's agreed. Judgment Day, whenever it comes, will fall on a Thursday, so that they'll get the long weekend."

Ten Commandments

'Sometimes I wish we'd never told him he was adopted.'

Monk Prompt

How to spot the infrequent Mass attendees.

"No, this is NOT a beta-test!"

Dance of the Red (Papal) Shoes.

'The Brothers of the Order of Saint Orson, patron saint of fried foods'

We're willing to flee temptation, if we can leave a forwarding address.

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

Tell me about it--last night I ate a whole sleeve of Communion wafers.

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'