Religious Ordination Gifts

Gates of heaven

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

"I'm afraid the challah got a little burnt this week."

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

"In the same of the phone, the tablet, and the desktop computer."

'... and bless all of God's creatures with the possible exception of the greenfly...'

'I've got two tickets to Handel's Messiah -- What time do you get off work?'

Monk Prompt

'No, I will not entertain a motion to suspend the rules!'

'God does not call the qualified. He koala-fies the called.'

'I think I've now earned the right to wear God on my sleeve.'

Cares and woes.

'On the other hand, you must never, ever work in mysterious ways.'

"We're in deep trouble... there are some people quoting back to us what we taught them."

'Pop-up Bible.'

Angry vicar wakes up parishioner at the Harvest Festival

Priest

"Holy moly!"

When the traditional and contemporary services overlap.

Male On Sunday

"... with a side of brown rice, right. And can the delivery guy stop at the pharmacy and pick up my prescription?"

"Excuse me, Father...is the host gluten-free?"

'Look at all of God's children. Then again, they might be just thousands of tiny, little circles.'

'Well, for the sake of argument, just pretend you've done something wicked.'

Clerical Training Course - 'Gentlemen, we are here to practise what we preach.'

Vicar

Confirmation of Westminster School Boys at the Abbey

'This is the Rabbi's favourite.'

Church Hymn

'The pastor is the one who tells all the kids to be quiet and sit down.'

'I'm afraid, Reverend, that what the large print giveth, the small print taketh away.'