Religious Observance Gifts

"I can't decide what to give up for Lent."

"This year Sammy was determined not to forget to count the Omer."

"I'm afraid the challah got a little burnt this week."

"Holy moly!"

"He's a very alternative vicar - he's installed wind chimes.'

"For goodness sake brother. Haven't you finished that note to the milkman yet?"

'Have your daily bread every other day.'

Man sees line of priests entering Mass Transit Authority.

Joe's Bar: Sorry, closed to the public due to on-premises 'Bar Mitzvah'.

'Sorry - I've got strong views on Sunday Trading!'

''Fasting' doesn't mean eating fast food!'

''Fasting' doesn't mean eating fast food!'

'I remember baptising him when he was a baby, and that was the last I saw of him until he rolled in here today.'

"Ah! What a glorious day to be dead!"

Congregation

Seder Plate Symbols Explained

The Passover Police

'I'm new here-where are all the nuns?'

Christening

Dinner Gong in a Silent Monastery

'That's my slogan, you lousy thieveing creep!'

Pesach Nightmares

"No, anointing oil does not come in different grades depending on the application."

"While Ralph was fine with discussing climate change in church, he often wished it would focus more on turning down the damn thermostat."

"We've been getting complaints about our door-to-door scythe sales."

'Richard, control yourself! You're swirling counter-clockwise in public!'

"There's a man at the door collecting for Jesus...."

"I'm sure this Shabbos meal is delicious but how can I taste it if I can't take a photo and post it instantly online?"

Saint Franchise of Assisi

Must have been rough being the only white kid in the Middle East.

"He overcame his vow of silence by texting on his phone."

'Verger, give me a hand to move the font over a bit. . .'

'I need Flag Day off.'

"Some cruise! It rained for the entire trip!"

November: "It's only 4:15, but it's pitch dark!"