Ordination Gifts

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

'Well, for the sake of argument, just pretend you've done something wicked.'

Clerical Training Course - 'Gentlemen, we are here to practise what we preach.'

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

Angry vicar wakes up parishioner at the Harvest Festival

"Reverend your sermon was divine, naturally."

Pray as you Go.

'Pop-up Bible.'

'No, we do not make change.'

Priest

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

Church Hymn

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

When the traditional and contemporary services overlap.

'This is the Rabbi's favourite.'

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"… open the doors, and see all the people."

"We're in deep trouble... there are some people quoting back to us what we taught them."

Monk Prompt

Divinity School - Authorized Parsons Only

The Pope

Missionary Statement: Spread the Word.

"OK I'm a sorry...what more you wanta?"

"In the same of the phone, the tablet, and the desktop computer."

'I think I've now earned the right to wear God on my sleeve.'

Wordplay: Ordination.

'I've got two tickets to Handel's Messiah -- What time do you get off work?'

'Look at all of God's children. Then again, they might be just thousands of tiny, little circles.'

'No, I will not entertain a motion to suspend the rules!'

'... and bless all of God's creatures with the possible exception of the greenfly...'

'God does not call the qualified. He koala-fies the called.'

'The pastor is the one who tells all the kids to be quiet and sit down.'

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

A paperwork machine spews endless paperwork