Ordination Gifts

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

'Well, for the sake of argument, just pretend you've done something wicked.'

Clerical Training Course - 'Gentlemen, we are here to practise what we preach.'

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

Angry vicar wakes up parishioner at the Harvest Festival

"Reverend your sermon was divine, naturally."

'Pop-up Bible.'

'No, we do not make change.'

Priest

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

Church Hymn

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

When the traditional and contemporary services overlap.

'This is the Rabbi's favourite.'

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"… open the doors, and see all the people."

"We're in deep trouble... there are some people quoting back to us what we taught them."

Monk Prompt

Divinity School - Authorized Parsons Only

The Pope

"OK I'm a sorry...what more you wanta?"

"In the same of the phone, the tablet, and the desktop computer."

'I think I've now earned the right to wear God on my sleeve.'

Wordplay: Ordination.

'I've got two tickets to Handel's Messiah -- What time do you get off work?'

'No, I will not entertain a motion to suspend the rules!'

'... and bless all of God's creatures with the possible exception of the greenfly...'

'The pastor is the one who tells all the kids to be quiet and sit down.'

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

Whats ticking away in YOUR filing system?

A paperwork machine spews endless paperwork

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'