Reliability Expert Pillows

Marvin Shlepmuffin - the guy who pre-programs your fire alarm battery to fail at 2:30 in the morning every time...

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

"You keep impeccable time."

'You've changed since we got married.'

The Small Business Advisor: 'The first bit of advice I'd give you for your garage start-up is to tell your dad'

'It took me years of training, but now he's my perfect man.'

"Hoora! I made it through another day!"

"Ours will be the first mixed marriage in my family. Dog people NEVER marry cat people."

'We've been playing house for 5 minutes, and she's already nagging me to get a job.'

"I like an attentive lover, but these feedback forms are ridiculous."

"You question my methodology? Perhaps you should question your questionology."

'I don't know about you, but he was really beginning to get on my nerves.'

"I've never, ever taken you for granted, Ingrid."

'Okay, we grew old together - Now what?'

'I leave a few spaces so you can get a few words in edgeways.'

"Just tell us who's winning."

"To heck with a husband... just help me find a dependable electrician."

"It says here we should get a lodger."

"Stop undressing me with your eyes."

"Does it say 'I'm ovulating'?"

"All parents fight."

'There are signs of improvement but I wouldn't order Christmas cards with both your names on them.'

"I do love you, Robin, but I'm not sure I'm ready for a full-on commitment yet."

"I'm the lot of baggage he comes with."

"And this is my husband Dick."

"Ah-ha! Just in time to make my dinner!"

"Nothing works with this guy. Would you like us to shoot the pool guy?"

"Yes, this is exactly how wars start—because of someone's insensitivity!"

When boomerangs argue.

'Muriel and I were like two ships passing in the night -- I was boarded, plundered, and scuttled!'