Revision Expert Pillows

Nutty Assistants

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

Your resume begins Once Upon A Time...I like that!

Once upon a time and a half. Buick and the Beast.

"It's time for your performance review where I damn you with faint praise."

'But I did study. I guess the software didn't install successfully.'

"I like an attentive lover, but these feedback forms are ridiculous."

"Have you tried turning it off and back on?"

NeighWoof.

"Anyway, to make a long story short, I'm the guy who invented CliffsNotes."

"I'll have my article pulled together in no time."

"And the tech guy said not to worry if I lost my phone. There's an app for that..."

Study more to pass more tests.

Investment Guru/Lifestyle Guru/Tech Guru/Fashion Guru

"You tend to overuse the exclamation point."

"The changes in the rules for risk management will turn the industry on its head."

Let the profit-making begin!

"All we've come up with so far is that new meatloaf."

Parking validation

Book intoxication

"This is definitely the last time for Chapter Seventeen!"

"Genesis" "*The King Gus Version"

New Year's Resolutions...

"It's not bad, but you need to lose the dynamic verbs."

"It's a note from my teacher...heavily redacted."

"You say snowman, I say snow woman. So, let's compromise by singing 'Frosty the Snow Person'."

"You may find some of the facts have changed as I've brought them into line with modern human rights."

"New Year's Resolutions: 1. Stop boiling tortured souls in vats of oil. 2. Stop frying the flesh of sinners in the fire of eternal damnation. 3. Lose weight."

Expert and Ex-Pert

'He's my smart due. He's going to hand around for a couple weeks, and teach me how to use my new smart phone.'

Marvin Shlepmuffin - the guy who pre-programs your fire alarm battery to fail at 2:30 in the morning every time...

'I'm just studying for my eye exam.'

'Please stand by -- we have temporarily lost our edge.'

Patient kicks doctor in groin after reflex test.

Good Student.