Insurance Expert Pillows

'This pill you take twice a day before meals. . . this pill you take right after I tell you what those pills cost.'

"4 out of 5 doctors recommend you ask your financial planner if this drug is right for you."

'Oh, great, my insurance agent. I was just texting you.'

$10 a step at the doctor's office.

Do you have health insurance ?

Spiro and Pusho selling a house that sits under the shadow of precariously placed boulder.

'Uh-oh... that sounds ominous.' - *Knock* *Knock* - 'Am I going to die?!' - 'I don't think so.' - 'Then why are you here?' - 'Your life insurance is due for renewal.'

"You're on standby if Mr. Benny's insurance company doesn't give us a last-minute approval."

"We have to operate immediately! ... After your cheque clears."

"I'm going to try shock therapy with Mr. Mueller. Present him with his bill."

"At this point we're no longer testing you. We're testing your insurance."

Health care squash - 31 million uninsured voters.

The Bad News: Fred just signed away his claim. The Good News: The insurance adjuster just qualified for a bonus.

'My malpractice insurance was a placebo!'

"He has sticker shock form his health care costs."

'Remove your clothes and your check book.'

"By the way, how's that lawsuit against the home insurance company going?"

'What the . . . I'm only insured for cardboard boxes!'

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

'I asked if you were affiliated with an HMO not a UFO.'

'After giving a recorded statement to these people, being grilled by 60 Minutes would seem like a piece of cake.'

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

'The scariest story I know is escalating health care costs.'

Squash Courts - "Insurance anyone"

We can't call the doctor, we can't call the nurse, we have to call the lady with the alligator purse.

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

Healthy Patients Only

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"

"Actually, 'Loss of Limb' would be covered under your homeowners policy."

"Do you cover hypochondria?"

"We did our best for your husband but his poor old health insurance was too weak..."

'The surgery is expensive. We'll have to numb you from the wallet down.'

"Be afraid my friends...if the government takes over your healthcare, you're going to be left with nothing!"

"Hey, little fella. Welcome to the risk pool."