Relaxed Job Hunter Gifts

I'd like to pursue a career, but I don't see any need for a high-speed chase.

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

'I love my new easylife artist's easel.'

Under pressure.

"I'd like to book 10 days going anywhere they've never heard of Brexit."

Time for vacation, time for work.

"I keep telling myself I've got to slow down."

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

'Someone important is bound to see my resume now!'

'Actually, there's no interview necessary. Just pull out the sword and the job's yours.'

"I managed to find a healthy work-life balance, but now there's a problem with my bank balance."

And I like to call this my 'dance of the enhanced PEP at alternative firms'.

"The election's over, Trump won, the illegals are being deported and I'm here for one of them there high-paying American jobs he promised."

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

Help wanted. Various positions available.

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

"How's the job interviews going?" "Not well. Seems they only want the best and the brightest."

'Henry has found his niche with us.'

'I think I'm decisive. Can I get back to you on that?'

"This is one of those great jobs you'd be willing to do for free. Will you do it for free?"

Over enthusiastic headhunter

'You don't want the job, do you?'

"I'm putting you on country music."

'Have you got a resume?'

"I enjoyed your resume, young man - especially the hand-written addendum from your mom."

'Mr. Barnes was going to interview you for the job, until he realized you were actually expecting financial compensation, benefits and vacation time.'

Now hiring.

Are you able to concentrate on your work? My mind wanders a lot but fortunately it's too weak to go very far.

Multi-Species Employment Agency. Did you hire the octopus for that job opening? Yeah, but I did interview other applicants. The frog was a strong candidate ... I'm flexible on location -- I'm an amphibian! The whale seemed to be hiding something. The gap in my resume? Uh ... I was beached for a while. And the pig wasn't smart. I see "USDA Approved" on your resume --- I don't think you understand what that means. The octopus got the job because he was a great multitasker!

'We can't find a pond small enough where you'd be a big fish.'

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

"I'm learning to let go and have fun."

Your resume is only 8 words long! You're hired!

"I can see from your résumé that you're a man."