Relationship Wisecracker Pillows

'She says I won't understand her until I've walked a mile in her shoes.'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

'My understanding of psychiatry is that women fantasiss and men internalise - in fact I'd like to internalise right now.'

'Charlie is the first to admit that he's too old for me.'

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"Why don't you find a museum!"

That may well be how the catalk models do it, but I still think you look like a three legged horse in a field of cowpats!

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

"This will be hilarious!"

"The TV remote? So, I decide what we watch tonight?"

The prying mantis,

Tunnel of Love/Tunnel of Marriage

"I always check twitter before work, to see if yesterday's joke got me the sack."

'There's more to life than winning. There's also losing - to offset taxable capital gains.'

"You never told me your dad was so delightfully old-fashioned."

"We don't talk anymore."

'When we first met there was a chemistry between us. These days though, it's more of a 'chemistry set'.'

'...And then, I guess our relationship got TOO meaningful.'

Battle of the sexes in a relationship

"'Procreate'! I've climbed all this way to hear that the meaning of life is 'procreate'?!"

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

'He said he wasn't good enough for me, so I married him because he's the first man to realize that.'

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'

'Trust me, she can't fail to notice you now...'

"Look - I'm cold, you're cold. Why don't we settle down and start a family?"

"I feel like I don’t even know my own husband ... and it’s driving me wild!"

"This is just SO like him. For years, I begged him to straighten up and fly right, and when he finally DID, it was right into a picture window!"

'Remember you told me to be friendly to your boss.'

'Jane, cancel all my appointments for the rest of the week.'

'Since I met you I can't eat...I can't drink...I'm broke.'

"Frank, I want you to try antidepressants."