Relationship Wisecracker Pillows

'She says I won't understand her until I've walked a mile in her shoes.'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

'My understanding of psychiatry is that women fantasiss and men internalise - in fact I'd like to internalise right now.'

'Charlie is the first to admit that he's too old for me.'

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"Why don't you find a museum!"

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

That may well be how the catalk models do it, but I still think you look like a three legged horse in a field of cowpats!

"The TV remote? So, I decide what we watch tonight?"

The prying mantis,

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

"This will be hilarious!"

Tunnel of Love/Tunnel of Marriage

"I always check twitter before work, to see if yesterday's joke got me the sack."

'There's more to life than winning. There's also losing - to offset taxable capital gains.'

"Space is curved and time is relative? Yeah, OK...I'm calling you a cab right now, buddy."

"We don't talk anymore."

"You never told me your dad was so delightfully old-fashioned."

'...And then, I guess our relationship got TOO meaningful.'

Battle of the sexes in a relationship

'When we first met there was a chemistry between us. These days though, it's more of a 'chemistry set'.'

'Jane, cancel all my appointments for the rest of the week.'

'Trust me, she can't fail to notice you now...'

"I feel like I don’t even know my own husband ... and it’s driving me wild!"

"Look - I'm cold, you're cold. Why don't we settle down and start a family?"

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

'Remember you told me to be friendly to your boss.'

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'

"This is just SO like him. For years, I begged him to straighten up and fly right, and when he finally DID, it was right into a picture window!"

'He said he wasn't good enough for me, so I married him because he's the first man to realize that.'

"'Procreate'! I've climbed all this way to hear that the meaning of life is 'procreate'?!"

My wife's been talking to the skin I shed for over an hour.

'Since I met you I can't eat...I can't drink...I'm broke.'