Relationship Talk Fan Gifts

"Have you given your daughter the 'Why Buy The Cow When You Can Get The Milk For Free' speech?"

"First date hairball... awkward."

'Stop complaining woman, you wanted a boating holiday!'

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

'I'd like to dedicate this next tune to those who have discovered love, gotten married, and wished desperately for death.'

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

Andy Oxidant meets Free Radical.

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

"Open a wine that will make me want to watch the shows you want to watch."

"It's Doris Kearns Goodwin. Is there anything we'd like to know about the Presidency?"

"You don't sniff my butt anymore."

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

'Roger, you're just a Rooster and I'm just a Hen. Is all of this necessary?'

'That's one of those May-December love affairs. He's 251 years old, and she can't be a day over 135!'

One cheese omelette, and I've never cheated on my husband. Um, okay. Anything else? A side of hash browns for this one-man woman! And a chocolate as hot and sweet as my intensely singular love for this phenomenal guy. Chuck? Yes dear? I've been having an affair for the last six months. Oh don't act surprised. One scone, and what the @#$% just happened? The denial and snacks before the storm.

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

"This not the way I envisioned falling in love."

"It's a legal document authorizing you to carry out a Do Not Resuscitate order on my behalf, although heaven knows, you have a hard enough time cancelling a magazine subscription."

What do I want out of our relationship? Same thing anyone wants. Good value.

Man in traffic jam watches couple row while eating popcorn.

'There's a NAGGING blog?'

'You can't keep rescuing him. If he really wants help, book him an appointment.'

'Marry me!'

'I've been happily married for 15 years... that covers 3 marriages.'

"Manfred, don't get so defensive!"

"Ogden, you're taking yourself too damn seriously."

Revenge Graffiti.

“Stop avoiding me. I know when you are sleeping. I know when you are awake.”

'Sorry, I'm afraid it was a false alarm. It turns out that 'the emergency gas leak' was my husband.'

"Do you have to put tomato sauce on everything?"

"He's a terrible drunk."

'You never comment in hushed tones of awe when you catch a glimpse of MY wonders of nature!'