Relationship Ruminator Gifts

'What makes you think your bartender is more qualified than my hairdresser to solve our marital problems?'

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, sister? People were right: now that gay people in all 50 states can marry, it's destroyed marriage altogether. As soon as the ruling came down, my husband Larry left me and moved in with Earl the plumber. First of all, ma'am, I'm pretty sure you have no idea how these things work. The Supreme Court gave Larry the gay. How do I undo the gay?

"Anything to accompany a stale marriage?"

"Why have you never married?"

In the Guru District

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

When Ted and Nancy would dance, it was as if they were the only couple on the floor....

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

Life is for the birds.

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

'Progress of a bookshelf'

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The Science of Love

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

'Oh my God. I love it!'

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

Romance

Give us a drink that says "we're in love." Oh no, not again. Today's Special. Latte + 1hr web $12.50. We're back together. We're celebrating. Give us my darling pudding pie's favorite drink. A cinnamon mocha latte with a peppermint lollipop swizzle stick. Excuse me?! That is not my favorite drink ... dear. My favorite drink is a cinnamon mocha latte with a spearmint lollipop swizzle stick ... dear. I am so sorry ... snookums. How could I have possibly been so heartless and thoughtless as to con

'Do you think it might be possible that what you wear could be a contributing factor to your relationship problems?'

I'm looking for a man who can meet my needs - Cream meringue master-chef.

"You do like octopus?"

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

Right click for yes...

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"I can't decide if we're good people who are bad at communicating, or monsters who communicate perfectly."