Relationships Gifts

"I miss you too, honey. Now put the dog on."

"All right, have it your way - you heard a seal bark!"

"Some people say you can't put a price on a wife's twenty-seven years of loyalty and devotion. They're wrong."

Scenes from a successful marriage.

"Sweetheart, I don't want anyone to make you unhappy except me."

“Stop avoiding me. I know when you are sleeping. I know when you are awake.”

"I'm sorry darling, did I just say, 'I hate you with every micro-fiber of my being'?"

The Crossroads of Wisdom: Past Mistakes, Future Gambles and Listen to Your Wife.

"As a matter of fact, you did catch us at a bad time."

Understanding The Other Side, Whether Men, Women, or Mice.

"I've never forgiven him for that thing I made up in my head."

"Now, just to review, at the last faculty meeting we established that Marcia hates Fred, Fred hates Carol and Marcia, Carol really can't stand Larry, Larry despises me, and I hate Larry, Marcia, Fred and Penny."

"You may now begin your insane experiment."

Thoughts

How to understand your wife...

'Well I'm sorry Michael, but size does matter to me.'

"This is Russell. Russell opens all my jars."

"When you say, 'It's all good' what you really mean is, 'I don't care'."

The male conversation enhancement pill.

"Do you have room in your bag for this?"

"Mary, will you stop this insecure nonsense? I didn't say Gladys was superior to you in any way. I only said I was in love with her, for God's sake."

My Husband Doesn't Have A Clue

"You said your pictures were recent."

Stop hogging the sheets

"The perfect killing machine? Is that all I am to you?"

"Of course I'm listening. I'm in a heightened state of alert."

"Look, I can't promise I'll change, but I can promise I'll pretend to change."

The Emergence Of Language

'It's not what you say, John, it's how you say it.'

'You told me you'd spend your whole life trying to make me happy.' 'I didn't expect to live this long.'

What wives say and what husbands hear.

'...and seven years ago I donated one of my kidneys to him. I want it back.'

'She says I won't understand her until I've walked a mile in her shoes.'

"And do you take Goldie, to be your lawfully wedded primary caregiver?"

"Brad, we've got to talk."