Relationship Rambler Pillows

'I don't know what's wrong with you, you seem to have celibacy on the brain!'

"Could you take your finger off the pulse for one moment and let me know what you'd like for dinner?"

'He's suspended for the remainder of the season. His random test came back positive for infidelity.'

"HELEN! But I thought I'd been dating Jane!"

"The university said he was a climate change denier so remove the statue."

"It seemed like miles to me!"

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

She - Interpreter - He.

"Dave, could you hold on a sec while I take care of some personal business?"

Two people in hazmat suits lie in bed

'Your place or mine?'

"Harold insists on doing all his own stunts."

'When I'm not thinking about me, the Giants, the Knicks or the Yankees, I'm thinking about us.'

'You think it's easy, being married to a man who thinks of nothing but his work?'

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

"How do you love me. Count the ways!"

"Dammit Harold, you know I hate that mask!"

Sulk Shows

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

"I fell in love with her. Then she mutated."

I'd invite you in, but my husband, my boyfriend and my python are all very jealous.

"Are you going to ask for feedback every time you cook a meal?"

Counselor. It's annoying that he always has to have the second-to-last word

"Marriage is driving me crazy and she's my designated driver!"

"How much is this going to cost me?"

Dating the efficiency expert.

Error 410 Democracy Not Found

Complaining cricket wives

"I have been happily married... three times!"

"He says he loves me, but he still uses his first wife's birthday as his password."

"I need to know if you're really serious about our relationship."

"Could you speak a little louder? I'm recording this."

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

Occational lovers - "Let's see...work,work,work,time to recuperate.." "How about Friday."