Relationship Rambler Pillows

'I don't know what's wrong with you, you seem to have celibacy on the brain!'

"Could you take your finger off the pulse for one moment and let me know what you'd like for dinner?"

'He's suspended for the remainder of the season. His random test came back positive for infidelity.'

"HELEN! But I thought I'd been dating Jane!"

"The university said he was a climate change denier so remove the statue."

"It seemed like miles to me!"

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

She - Interpreter - He.

"Dave, could you hold on a sec while I take care of some personal business?"

Two people in hazmat suits lie in bed

"Harold insists on doing all his own stunts."

'When I'm not thinking about me, the Giants, the Knicks or the Yankees, I'm thinking about us.'

"How do you love me. Count the ways!"

"Dammit Harold, you know I hate that mask!"

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

Sulk Shows

'You think it's easy, being married to a man who thinks of nothing but his work?'

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

"I fell in love with her. Then she mutated."

"Are you going to ask for feedback every time you cook a meal?"

"Could you speak a little louder? I'm recording this."

"Marriage is driving me crazy and she's my designated driver!"

"I need to know if you're really serious about our relationship."

Complaining cricket wives

Dating the efficiency expert.

Error 410 Democracy Not Found

"I have been happily married... three times!"

"How much is this going to cost me?"

"He says he loves me, but he still uses his first wife's birthday as his password."

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

Diplomacy

"It's not what you think."

Love chair

'Whenever he feels under attack, he calls for backup.'