Relationship Linguist Pillows

'You use the former when wooing your beloved and the latter during negotiations with your divorce lawyers.'

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

You were warned about mixed marriages.

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

"The whole time we were dating, he kept saying, 'You can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Man!"

'I'm sick and tired of your mood swings, Frank!'

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

"Sophia, will you agree to form a joint exploratory committee for marriage?"

Awkward First Dates

"Men can keep a secret, but it takes a woman to tell them that it was supposed to be a secret!"

"So, how are we doing with our trust issues?"

WHO checklist

'Honestly! You really ought to see someone about that cough of yours.'

'You've changed since we got married.'

'She seems to think I only have one thing on my mind.'

"He thinks he never makes mistakes."

"Ours will be the first mixed marriage in my family. Dog people NEVER marry cat people."

Debbie greatly misinterpreted the marriage counselor's suggestion that she and Tom have a monthly 'date night.'

I asked my girlfriend if there was someone else...

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

'He's got 99 problems but his Bitch aint one!'

(Diamonds shining, … Dancing, dining, …with some man in a restaurant. Is that all you really want?) (Are you making this up?) (Unsophisticated Lady)

'At last, the newly discovered films of Woody Alien.'

"I do like you, Peter, but interfacing is a very serious step."

"It's nothing, go back to sleep. I was just getting a DNA sample."

It's my biggest project - a database of all my sister's boyfriends.

Sharing the Bed with Zeno

Relationships.

'It took me years of training, but now he's my perfect man.'

"I'll agree to a pre-nup if you'll agree to a non-compete clause."

'We've been playing house for 5 minutes, and she's already nagging me to get a job.'

"I'm ready to go whenever you're through fussing with tablescapes."

Mime marriage.

"Oh darling! I just got your wonderful value added proposition! Of course I'll marry you!"