Relationship Researcher Pillows

'I enjoyed being with him and all, but we didn't like to binge-watch the same shows.'

It's my biggest project - a database of all my sister's boyfriends.

DATING FOR NON-DUMMIES

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

'Charlie is the first to admit that he's too old for me.'

'My understanding of psychiatry is that women fantasiss and men internalise - in fact I'd like to internalise right now.'

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

"Why don't you find a museum!"

Tunnel of Love/Tunnel of Marriage

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

Sexual chemistry set

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

'When we first met there was a chemistry between us. These days though, it's more of a 'chemistry set'.'

Battle of the sexes in a relationship

"You never told me your dad was so delightfully old-fashioned."

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

'Trust me, she can't fail to notice you now...'

"This is just SO like him. For years, I begged him to straighten up and fly right, and when he finally DID, it was right into a picture window!"

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'

"Men can keep a secret, but it takes a woman to tell them that it was supposed to be a secret!"

'Jane, cancel all my appointments for the rest of the week.'

"I feel like I don’t even know my own husband ... and it’s driving me wild!"

Awkward First Dates

'You've changed since we got married.'

"Yes, he was very nice, Mom, but he had to cut the date short because it was... 'report card time'!"

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

Sharing the Bed with Zeno

'At last, the newly discovered films of Woody Alien.'

Relationships.

I asked my girlfriend if there was someone else...

"Arthur, I need my space."

'We need to talk about your fear of commitment, Ralph.'

"Why can’t this count as ‘date night’?"