Relationship Reviewer Pillows

"Would you have a moment to take a short survey about your experience?"

"So this is what you do when I pretend to leave, then come back unexpectedly in five minutes."

'Thou shall not covet the neighbours same sex partner.'

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

'Charlie is the first to admit that he's too old for me.'

'My understanding of psychiatry is that women fantasiss and men internalise - in fact I'd like to internalise right now.'

"Why don't you find a museum!"

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

Try Mediation

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

Window Treatment

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

Tunnel of Love/Tunnel of Marriage

"You never told me your dad was so delightfully old-fashioned."

Battle of the sexes in a relationship

'When we first met there was a chemistry between us. These days though, it's more of a 'chemistry set'.'

'Well I wouldn't have to fake orgasms if you didn't fake foreplay!'

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

"I feel like I don’t even know my own husband ... and it’s driving me wild!"

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

"This is just SO like him. For years, I begged him to straighten up and fly right, and when he finally DID, it was right into a picture window!"

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'

"My computer just texted me."

'Trust me, she can't fail to notice you now...'

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

'Jane, cancel all my appointments for the rest of the week.'

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

'You've changed since we got married.'

'Harlow, why can't you be passionate like Mel Gibson?'

"Arthur, I need my space."

"Yes, he was very nice, Mom, but he had to cut the date short because it was... 'report card time'!"

'We need to talk about your fear of commitment, Ralph.'

Hollywood Breakup